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 How tragic it is when one misinterprets the intentions of others. "The messengers returned to Jacob with the report: We came to your brother Eisav and he is also heading towards you. He has 400 men with him"(32:7). Yaakov fearing for his life and that of his family (and thus the budding Jewish nation) tries appeasement; "I will win him over with the gifts that are being sent"- prayer; "rescue me I pray from the hand of my brother". And if all else fails, for war; "if Eisav comes and attacks one camp at least the other camp will survive". While this three pronged approach is one our Sages recommend we take in dealing with our adversaries, why should Yaakov have assumed Eisav was out to hurt him? True, Yaakov had to flee for his life fearing that in a fit of rage Eisav may kill him. But that was over twenty years ago and there is no indication that Eisav made any attempts to carry out his threat. Furthermore Eisav's threat was contingent upon the death of their father Yitzchak, which was still some thirty years away.
Time is a great healer and before jumping to conclusions Yaakov should have ascertained his brothers true intentions. Perhaps the Torah hints at Eisav's peaceful intentions by constantly referring to Eisav as Jacob's "brother". But did not Eisav have an army of 400 men? Yes, but many of our commentaries point out and that they were an honour guard to greet Yaakov. Eisav having been separated from his brother for so many years rolled out the red carpet and then some. "Eisav ran to meet him (Yaakov), he hugged him and threw himself on his shoulders, kissed him and they both wept" (33:4). Perhaps the tears of Yaakov were tears of repentance for having misunderstood his brother's intentions. How sad when we impute harmful motives to those whom are our brothers. While Yaakov and Eisav did go their separate ways - they are after all the founders of very different nations - they are joined years later where once again they can cry together. "Isaac lived to be 180 years old. He breathed his last and died, and was gathered to his people, old and in the fullness of his years. His sons Eisav (notice he is mentioned first) and Jacob buried him" (36:28-29). If Eisav was ever going to act against Yaakov now was the time, yet Yaakov has no fear. Thank G-d, his reading of Eisav's intentions had been wrong and brotherly reconciliation was attained.
While imputing negative motives to a person can lead to hatred and even war - as history has shown time and time again - imputing unwarranted positive motives where none truly exist can be just as devastating. This was the mistake of Chamor and Shechem in the aftermath of Shechem's rape of Dinah. Shimon and Levi out to avenge the honour of their sister "agree" to intermarry with the people of Shechem provided they perform Brit Milah . Shechem and Chamor "spoke to the citizens of the city, These men are friendly towards us" (34:20). Unfortunately for them, they believed that Shimon and Levi were pure in their motives, a mistake which led to the s of every male in the city. Whether Shimon and Levi acted correctly is the subject of considerable Rabbinic debate, and heated family discussions. However it is clear that by misunderstanding motives many lost their lives.
In our daily personal lives we make decisions and judgements based on our perceptions of others. We must be as certain as can be that our perceptions are correct; otherwise we run the risk of much discord. What is true on a personal level is of course true on a national level; only here the consequences of misinterpretation are much more dangerous. Our sages urge that we must pray and we must be prepared to fight. Our prayer must include asking G-d for help in discerning the true nature of our "enemy". Only then will we be able to know if it is time for peace and appeasement or, G-d forbid for war and destruction. May we merit the day soon when the descendants of Yaakov, Eisav (and Yishmael too) will join together in peace. Shabbat Shalom!
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