 "Sarai said to Abram, G-d has kept me from having children. Come to my concubine perhaps I will be build up through her" (16:2). Abram and Sarai represent the first recorded case of infertility in the Bible. In fact in the first eleven chapters of the Biblical narrative, the Torah spends no less than 86 verses detailing who gave birth to whom. These records of names (how many of us can even identify these names?) - and little else - represent over 25% of the verses in these Parshiot . Clearly having children was central to one's identity, much more so than in today's world where many voluntarily (and tragically) choose not to have children. Thus the first thing the Torah mentions about Sarai is that "she was sterile, she had no children". The apparent redundancy of telling us that a sterile woman has no children just reinforces the pain that she clearly endured. Yet here in the most unselfish of acts Sarai is the one to suggest to Abram, that he take her "competition " as a wife knowing full well the bond that could develop between Abram and Hagar - at the expense of Sarai.
"O, Lord G-d what will you give me if I remain childless" (15:2). For Abram there was a painful decision to make. Torn between his desire for a child and his love of his wife what was he to do? Though clearly yearning for a child it was inconceivable for Abram to consider marrying another woman. While noble at any time, Abram's decision to stick with his wife takes on added weight when compared with the surrounding society: A society where women were considered little more than chattel. The Bible reflects this common (unfortunate attitude) by the conspicuous absence of any mention of Women in the first 19 generations of mankind. Who did Cain, Seth, Enosh and their descendants marry? What was Abram's mother name? Yet Abram as the first Jew would not contemplate taking a second wife.
One could even argue that the reason G-d choose Abram to form His special nation was due to his respect for women. G-d's anger of man and His decision to significantly curtail man's life span is recorded immediately after the Torah records the subjugation of women by "the sons of rulers" (6:2-4). The flood immediately follows, as a world, which does not treat women as equal, must be destroyed. Noach despite his righteousness did not fully measure up on this score. After all what was his wife's name? Only with the birth of Abram do women begin to play a significant role in human affairs. And perhaps no greater decision was made that Sarai telling Abram to take Hagar.
"Abram listened to the voice of Sarai". Interestingly the Torah does not tell us that Abram married Hagar but rather "His wife Sarai took Hagar and gave her to her husband" (16:3). Only Sarai 's proactive stance led to the birth of Abram's son. While Abram surely treated Hagar with honour and respect (he even cared for the people of Sedom) the Torah records no conversation between the new couple.
"And Abram came to her, and she conceived" (16:4). The birth of Yishmael no doubt evoked mixed emotions. Surely Abram and Sarai where happy that Abram was no longer childless. But no doubt Abram, perhaps even more so that Sarai, felt sadness that his child could not be her child. Surely they both realized that the child whom G-d had just promised to Abram was none other than Yishmael. It would be Hagar's son who would the progenitor of a great nation that will be as numerous as the stars in the sky. The great nation would not come from Sarah (or so they thought). No wonder there was no laughter at his birth.
It is clear that amongst our founding families it is the marriage of Abraham and Sarah that stands out as the model for us. The self sacrifice and concern for the other is the trait of our nation. If we merit to dedicate ourselves to the welfare of nation even at our own expense then we can look forward to the days of yitzchak, the days of laughter and joy. Shabbat Shalom!
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